We’re a Team – Not a Family
By VICKY BROWN
We’ just like a family.
Wow – I hear this phrase, or something like it, all the time. From business owners and employees – particularly if the business is a small business and the employees have been there for a stretch of time.
Whenever I hear it – the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Your company and your team isn’t – I’ll repeat – isn’t your family. And they shouldn’t operate like one.
Now I know all the reasons people gravitate to this phrase. I think what they’re trying to say is we’re close, we have one another’s back, we really like one another, we’re more than just work colleagues.
Well, are you?
Sure, when things are going well, it may feel that way – everything is touchy feely and sunshine. But what happens when someone isn’t performing – or the company isn’t performing, and to survive you have to downsize?
I’m thinking you’re getting my drift – there are all sorts of reasons you shouldn’t think of, or refer to, your company as a family – but here are my top 5:
You can’t fire family members if they aren’t performing.
Now, I realize that there are those of us who have tried to fire family. But the reality is – no matter what, there is a tie; a familial bond, that stays in place. You know what they say, through thick and through thin.
When your brother or sister, or mother or father, isn’t showing up in a way that meets your expectations – generally you either suck it up, or start working on the relations from a place of ‘no matter what, we’re still connected’
Well, at the risk of sounding brusque – it’s just not that way with team members. If a team member is continually not doing their job, or creates a toxic atmosphere – well, then they’re in danger of being released from employment. You know why – because it’s not good for the rest of the team, it’s sending the wrong message about what is and isn’t OK, and it’s getting in the way of the company being successful (more on that later).
They may be lovely people, but you can’t risk keeping someone who can’t do the job you, and the business, needs them to do.
“…When a leader starts thinking of their team as family, it can so easily create a false feeling of informality. I’ve seen so many leaders mistakenly think that they can ‘let it all hang out’ and have a really casual, quote candid unquote, discussion. Appeal to the employee as a friend, person to person“
But if your sister Sally isn’t pulling her weight in taking care of your older parents – well, she’s your sister. You don’t like it, but you suck it up, or fight with Sally, but you can’t fire her as your sister. You may stop speaking to her – but she’s still your sister, like it or not.
Now, along those same lines – calling your team family makes it almost impossible to have the difficult conversation you most surely will need to have at one point or another.
When a leader starts thinking of their team as family, it can so easily create a false feeling of informality. I’ve seen so many leaders mistakenly think that they can ‘let it all hang out’ and have a really casual ‘candid’ discussion. Appeal to the employee as a friend, person to person.
Listen, that impulse is a good one. And we all always have to remember that we’re just a human being, talking to another human being. But the boundaries are there for a reason. When personal and professional lines get blurred, it’s easy to start using informal methods of conflict resolution and communication. And you’ve got to just trust me on this (because I’ve seen it too many times) – that will ultimately get you in a world of hot water. One day, you’ll be really unhappy to see your ‘candid’ statements listed in a letter from that employee (or former employee’s) attorney, as an example of how you engaged in discriminatory behavior, and it was a wrongful termination.
I’ve seen it happen. More than once.
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Next, you have to remember that not everyone is the same. You may crave openness, have a desire for deep connection, be really into vulnerability, and want to do deep emotional work…well, what can I say. Not everyone marches to that drummer.
In fact – that approach makes some people really uncomfortable. You’ve got to remember that not everyone wants to be ‘all in’ emotionally with their co-workers. They want to come to work, do good (or hopefully excellent) work, build professional (emphasis on professional) relationships, and go home….to their true family.
And another thing to watch out for – families usually have a singular culture or set of beliefs. Oh sure, as people grow and change, those beliefs may diverge – but generally family members come from a shared experience. Team members start out with different viewpoints, different culture experiences and different belief sets. That’s what makes diversity of thought so important to your business. Different ideas, different perspectives – different ways of looking at things.
When you say you’re looking for someone to join the family, instead of someone to join your team, it points to someone who is similar to all the rest. With the same thought process, the same perspective. And that’s not necessarily a good thing.
Oh, and by the way – family members just want you to love them. You being you is enough. But it’s not enough for your team. Team members want to grow, they want to develop, and they want compensation. They’re looking to you to lead them (that’s probably not the case with your sister, Sally). And they’re looking to you to ensure the success of the company.
It’s far better to have a team, than thinking of everyone as your work family. Then you get the benefit of solid professional boundaries, expectations are clear on both sides, and both groups are pointed in the same direction – toward the success of the enterprise. After all – if the company fails, no one eats.
How’s that for a shared goal?
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