Managing a Team Member You Don't Like
By VICKY BROWN
As a leader, you’ve likely encountered that one team member who just rubs you the wrong way. Maybe it’s their communication style, their approach to work, or something you can’t quite pinpoint. This uncomfortable reality of leadership is rarely discussed openly, yet it’s a challenge that can make or break your effectiveness as a leader.
The Leadership Challenge No One Talks About
One of the toughest tests you’ll face as a business owner or manager is leading people you simply don’t click with personally. This isn’t about managing poor performers – it’s about navigating relationships with competent team members whose personalities clash with yours.
The discomfort of these interactions can lead to avoidance, inconsistent leadership, or even premature termination decisions. But mastering this skill separates exceptional leaders from average ones. Your business success ultimately depends on your ability to lead everyone effectively – not just the people you naturally get along with.
Separate Personality from Performance
The first critical step in managing someone you don’t personally like is drawing a clear line between their personality and their actual performance.
As entrepreneurs, we naturally gravitate toward hiring people who think and act like us. It feels comfortable, but what your business truly needs is diversity of thought and approach. That quiet person who rarely speaks up in meetings might be your most thoughtful problem-solver. The direct communicator who seems abrupt might be saving your team hours of circular discussions.
Your primary responsibility isn’t to be everyone’s friend – it’s to build a successful business. When you catch yourself feeling irritated by someone’s personality, pause and ask yourself: “Are they meeting their objectives? Are they contributing value?” If the answer is yes, your personal feelings need to take a back seat to their professional contributions.
Establish Professional Boundaries
One of the most common mistakes first-time leaders make is confusing their business team with family. Your team isn’t your family, and when you blur those lines, you create an environment where feelings trump performance.
Professional boundaries protect both you and your team members by creating consistency and predictability that allows everyone to thrive – regardless of personal chemistry. Here’s what this looks like in practice:
- Clearly documented expectations for all roles
- Regular, structured check-ins focused on work objectives rather than personal chitchat
- Feedback that addresses specific behaviors rather than broad personality traits
- Fair and consistent recognition of achievements and addressing of problems
When you maintain these boundaries, you create space for professional respect to flourish, even when personal connection doesn’t.
“…Professional boundaries protect both you and your team members by creating consistency and predictability that allows everyone to thrive – regardless of personal chemistry“
Examine Your Own Triggers
Every leader has biases and triggers that influence how they perceive others. Maybe a team member reminds you of a difficult person from your past. Perhaps their communication style feels threatening to you. Or their approach to work might seem inefficient compared to how you’d handle it.
The key to effective leadership is recognizing when your reaction is more about you than about them. When you feel that instant irritation rising, ask yourself:
- What specifically is bothering me here?
- Is this about work quality, or is this about style?
- Am I reacting to something legitimate, or am I bringing my own baggage to this interaction?
This self-awareness isn’t about self-criticism – it’s about gaining clarity. Understanding your triggers allows you to make conscious choices rather than emotional reactions. You might even discover that the person you found difficult is actually bringing tremendous value that your irritation prevented you from seeing.
Create Systems That Minimize Personality Clashes
Strong businesses run on systems, not feelings. When you build robust processes, you create a framework that operates regardless of whether people like each other.
Effective systems include:
- Clear job descriptions so everyone knows their responsibilities
- Documented workflows that specify how tasks move through your organization
- Objective metrics for measuring success
- Standardized procedures for addressing problems
With these systems in place, people can collaborate effectively even when personalities clash. The focus remains on the work rather than the relationship. As a leader, these systems provide objective criteria for evaluating performance – ensuring you’re not letting personal feelings cloud your judgment.
Whether you’re an entrepreneur jumping into a leadership role, a seasoned business pro with new HR responsibilities, or just starting your HR career – we’ve got the right path to guide you through your HR hurdles.
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Distinguish Between Personality Differences and HR Problems
Not every difficult relationship warrants termination. In fact, learning to work effectively with people you don’t naturally click with represents a valuable leadership growth opportunity. It stretches your capabilities and makes you a more adaptable leader.
However, there’s a clear line between “difficult to get along with” and “toxic to the workplace.” When someone consistently disrupts the workplace, violates policies, harasses others, or creates a hostile environment – that’s not a personality clash. That’s an HR issue requiring appropriate action.
Before making significant personnel decisions, consult your HR policies. If you don’t have formal policies in place, seek advice from an HR professional. These situations carry legal and financial implications that extend beyond your personal feelings.
The Bottom Line: Results Over Rapport
Managing people you don’t personally like isn’t about faking warmth or pretending to be best friends. It’s about creating a professional environment where everyone can succeed based on their merits.
Some of your most valuable team members might be people you wouldn’t choose to socialize with after hours. That’s not only acceptable – it’s often exactly what your business needs to reach its full potential.
At the end of the day, building a successful business isn’t about surrounding yourself with people you like. It’s about building a team that delivers results – even when personalities clash.
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