How to Manage Someone Older than You
By VICKY BROWN
Have you ever seen the movie ‘The Intern’ with Robert DeNiro and Anne Hathaway? Well in it, he is tapped to be her intern in her online clothing company – About the Fit. Of course, the hook is that the internship program is just for people who have retired, so generally speaking the over 65 set.
Now possible compliance issues notwithstanding – Anne is faced with managing someone who is older, and much more experienced than she is. That got me thinking – what tips can you look to when managing someone older than you are. Well, here are 5.
First up – you’ve got to acknowledge the reality of the situation. Listen, there’s no point in trying to pretend there isn’t an elephant in the room. There may be some discomfort – on both sides. You might be worried about how to establish your authority without coming across as arrogant or dismissive of their experience. And they might be concerned about having to report to someone younger, wondering if you’ll value their expertise or discount it because of generational differences.
The best way to handle this? Address it head-on. Have an open conversation about your respective roles and how you can work together effectively. When you acknowledge potential concerns upfront, you create space for honest dialogue and build trust from day one.
In fact, in the movie when Robert first meets her and announced that he will be her intern, with a wry smile – Anne says, “I’m glad you see the humor in this”. That simple statement was all they needed to acknowledge that they both knew the situation could be awkward if not handled correctly.
Next, you need to master the balance between staying humble and being confident. This is crucial. Being humble doesn’t mean being insecure or apologetic about your position. Remember – you’re in your role for a reason. The company saw something in you – your skills, your vision, your ability to lead. Don’t discount that. But humility allows you to recognize and appreciate the wealth of experience your older team member brings to the table.
Being humble means acknowledging that while you may be the leader, you don’t have all the answers. And you shouldn’t. No leader does. What makes a great leader isn’t knowing everything – it’s knowing how to leverage the knowledge and experience of your team members.
Now, confidence. This isn’t about strutting around the office reminding everyone you’re the boss. It’s about being secure enough in your position to make decisions, even when they’re tough. It’s about standing firm when you need to, and being willing to change course when new information suggests you should.
Show confidence in your decisions and leadership, but remain open to learning from their experience. When they share insights from their years in the field, listen actively and show genuine interest. Ask questions. Dig deeper. What led them to that conclusion? What have they seen work or fail in similar situations? This balance demonstrates both your leadership capabilities and your wisdom in recognizing valuable input.
“…Now, confidence. This isn’t about strutting around the office reminding everyone you’re the boss. It’s about being secure enough in your position to make decisions, even when they’re tough. It’s about standing firm when you need to, and being willing to change course when new information suggests you should.“
And here’s something crucial – when you implement their suggestions, give credit where credit is due. Nothing builds respect faster than a leader who acknowledges the contributions of their team members. On the flip side, nothing erodes respect faster than a leader who takes credit for others’ ideas.
Remember, at the end of the day, this balance between humility and confidence isn’t just about managing someone older – it’s about being an effective leader, period. The age difference just makes it more obvious when you get it wrong.
The third point – set crystal clear expectations. This is non-negotiable. Be explicit about goals, roles, and responsibilities. And when I say explicit, I mean explicit. Don’t assume anything is understood. Don’t leave room for interpretation. Put it in writing.
You need to be abundantly clear about what success looks like. What are the metrics? What are the deadlines? What does the finished product need to include? What resources are available? Who needs to be kept in the loop? These aren’t just good questions – they’re essential questions. And you need answers for all of them.
Make it clear that your focus is on results and team success – not on establishing authority or maintaining hierarchy. This isn’t about power plays or showing who’s boss. This is about getting the job done, and getting it done well. Period.
Now, here’s where a lot of new leaders stumble – they dance around expectations because they’re uncomfortable giving direct instructions to someone with more experience. Don’t fall into that trap. Your discomfort doesn’t serve anyone. In fact, it can lead to confusion, missed deadlines, and frustration on both sides.
When expectations are clear, age becomes less relevant because everyone understands what success looks like and how their role contributes to it. There’s no room for assumptions about “well, I thought because I had more experience…” or “I assumed you wanted me to…” No. Clear expectations eliminate those conversations before they start.
And here’s another piece – be clear about how decisions will be made. Will you be making them unilaterally? Will it be collaborative? What kind of input are you looking for? When do you need to be consulted? What can they decide on their own? Getting this sorted up front saves a world of hurt down the road.
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Remember, setting clear expectations isn’t micromanaging. It’s not about controlling every move they make. It’s about creating a framework where they can use their experience and expertise effectively and still meet the needs of their role.
Now, this next one is important – seek feedback, not approval. There’s a big difference. When you’re constantly seeking approval, you undermine your own authority and create an unhealthy dynamic. Instead, seek input and insights on processes or decisions. Ask specific questions about their experiences with similar situations. What worked? What didn’t? What would they do differently?
But be clear – the final decision is yours. And once you make it, everyone has to row the boat in the same direction.
This approach accomplishes two things: it shows you value their experience while maintaining your position as the decision-maker. Remember, you’re not asking for permission – you’re gathering valuable information to make informed decisions.
And finally – focus on collaboration over authority. This is really the key to making it all work. Position yourself as a facilitator rather than just a boss. Your role isn’t to dictate terms – it’s to create an environment where everyone can contribute their best work.
You see, when you frame your leadership this way, age becomes less relevant. Instead, the focus shifts to how different team members’ strengths and experiences can complement each other to achieve better outcomes.
Here’s the bottom line – managing someone older than you doesn’t have to be awkward or challenging. When you acknowledge the situation openly, balance humility with confidence, set clear expectations, seek meaningful feedback, and focus on collaboration – you’re creating a space where age becomes secondary to achieving success.
Remember, your age doesn’t define your ability to lead effectively. What matters is how you show up, how you engage with your team members, and how you leverage everyone’s strengths – regardless of their age.
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