If you manage people, sooner or later, you’re going to have to give them feedback.  More specifically, you’re going to find yourself in a situation where you have to give them negative (or should I say) constructive feedback.

There’s no doubt about it – it’s a sensitive process, and you’ll have to give it careful thought and be armed with all the tact you can muster.  Do it wrong, and you’ll end up with a resentful employee, a broken relationship, and to top it off – you won’t get the behavior change you’re looking for.

Ah, but do it right, and you can really turn the situation around.  Get the employee on the right track, and – if you really do it right – enhance your relationship and help them be more engaged.

First of all – don’t try to fly by the seat of your pants here.  You’ve got to do some advance prep work before you meet with the employee.  And, as an extra added bonus – that means you aren’t just snapping at someone in the moment.  When that happens, it usually means you are just blowing off steam -and that siphons off your power, doesn’t get you the outcome you want and generally just isn’t a very good idea.  No, before you sit down with the person, make sure you have all the details of the situation ready.  And, if you can give specific examples – that’s even more helpful.  Vague observations like “you’re always late” aren’t helpful; and open you up to a tit for tat conversation.  Something like, I’ve noticed that in the last 4 weeks you have been late more than 20% of the time.

Now, that’s a statement to begin constructive feedback.  It’s factual and specific – and when you say something like that, the employee already knows that, if needed, you’ll be able to cite specific instances.  So they won’t even start the back and forth of ‘yes you did / no I didn’t’.

Next – and I can’t express how important this point is – make sure you are in a private setting.

Dressing someone down in public isn’t really to help them improve (and by the way – that is after all the point of giving constructive feedback – to help the person improve).  No, doing that in public isn’t designed to help them improve, it’s designed to put on a public display – a show.  And the most likely outcome is that you will humiliate them and make them feel small.

Now, just think back to the last time that happened to you.  Did you feel yourself open like a flower to training and coaching.  Um, no – I don’t’ think so.  If you’re anything like me, you emotionally curled in on yourself in the most protective posture possible, and proceeded to internally defend yourself in every way possible.  “They don’t know what they’re talking about”  “I’ve never done that”  “That’s bull – beep”

Believe me – I wasn’t open to really looking at the criticism –  um I mean feedback, in a positive way.  More like – I became an expert at rationalizing it away.  So remember – do it in private.  This is communication just for you and the person.  You don’t need an audience.